Suparna Sharma

Sept 5, 2010

Kalyug ki tragedy yeh hai that is yug main Duryodhan ke dirty bhai log nahin, but Draupadi ki hi dearest-darling best friends uska cheer harti hain, without any sharam or laaj. Don’t believe me? Then just switch to Meethi Chhoorii No. 1 (Imagine). Yahan par every Saturday, television ki sweet-sweet ghunghat and lehnge-walli bahu-betis arrive in see-through georgette-chiffon gowns or sexy ’n’ short dresses and immediately proceed to disrobe each other, unabashedly and with glee.

The show’s format is simple: Eight politically-incorrect TV celebs are invited, each is given a glass of apple juice in a champagne flute and then sat down in two rows. The show’s two very excited anchors, Shabir and Jay, introduce all the girls as “very hot and very sexy” and then disclose the topic of the day on which all the girls have to rank each other. Once the girls have ranked and revealed, members of aam janata are asked the same question. If janata’s ranking matches the ranking given by any of the contestants, there’s Rs 5 lakh to be won.

But yeh toh hua show ka layout. The ethic of this game show is that here nothing is off-limit. Everybody and their everything is up for scrutiny, revelations, jibes, even downright insults. Nothing is spared — from newly-peaking pimples and ample cleavage to past indiscretions and current chakkars.

Apart from a few constants, most contestants on the show keep changing. Till now they have included Ragini Khanna from Sasural Genda Phool, Komolika urf Urvashi Dholakia, Sugna from Balika Vadhu, Rupali Ganguly, Leher from Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Kam, Rakshanda Khan, Karishma Tanna, Mona Singh, Kashmira Shah, Tapasya from Uttaran, Nayarani Shastri, Nigaar Z. Khan and others, all picked for their special talent to do besti of one another.

Meethi Chhoorii ke weekly topics are designed specifically to instigate bitching. They range from kaun-si ladki boys ko dekhte hi girgit ki tarah rang badlegi, to which girl is most likely to steal your boyfriend, and further stoop to which girl is most likely to stay unmarried.

Beech-beech main other random questions are asked: Who steals jewellery from the sets, who is the most flirtatious, what attracts older women to younger boys (stamina, apparently), what attracts boys to girls — it’s a tie between the butt and the bust.

Bahut loud screaming aur clapping ke saath this asinine banter goes on, with the girls throwing teekhe-teekhe vaar at each other, maroing adult-adult innuendoes, utaroing each other’s izzat, and revealing own sexy body parts.

At the end of one hour, several dirty-dirty secrets start peeking out. Here are a few facts I have learnt about our female TV celebs: If you have a pimple, they will call you “pimply” while the camera is rolling; most have strategically-located tattoos which they will happily reveal to boost their hot quotient; all steal nice-smelling soaps and shampoos from hotels; all size-up others’ boyfriends and are open to trying their luck; Tapasya of Uttaran is the fantasy girl of all Bhojpuri cinema devotees — they worship her a la Mandakini avatar in a wet white sari, all girls get very talli very often…
Pink chaddis ka zamana hai bhai. Sab chalta hai, sab dikhta hai.