Suparna Sharma
Aug. 19, 2012

Life mein na I have two secret obsessions. One is toh losing weight, which basically means becoming the most athletic, svelte person on the earth, and the other is eating deep fried and sweet foods. Mostly, the first obsession remains a mind game, with one part of my brain telling me to exercise and the other part flashing images of bhujia, chole-bhature, and pastries.

I adjust. I bring a packet of desi potato chips and a slice of cake and settle down to watch exercise shows on television.
While trying to get thin by watching exercise shows, I chanced upon one lady by the name of Samara Chopra who comes on weekdays, mornings, on Yogasutra (NDTV Goodtimes). Clad in a flimsy mini-dhoti, bought from the “Geeli Mandakini Sari Store”, this illusion of a piece of clothing lingers loosely around Ms Chopra’s taut thighs only out of respect for groggy TV viewers. Then there’s the tiniest tube top, which has been trimmed to the optimum. One more snip and daily MMS clips of this show would be arriving on your cellphone every morning.
Ms Chopra arrives, sitting in a very complicated pose with her legs twisting this way and that, and starts talking about the importance of hamstring flexibility, spine extensions, colon cleansing et cetera before proceeding to demonstrate for us asanas which I can only do in my early morning dreams. Then she gently sits on the mat, lifts her legs and spreads them high and wide. Complementing Ms Chopra’s fluid, dance-type movements is one husky madam who whispers, “Sit on the floor, spine erect, stretch out… this is urdhva-mukta-paschimottanasana”. Her whispers are so soft and so sexy that I could feel her breath on my ears and was in the mood for more. Luckily, that’s also where the show was headed next.
Break ke baad one gorgeous human specimen, male, arrives, and without uttering a syllable or changing expression, looks into Ms Chopra’s eyes, holds her hand and proceeds to lift her above his shoulders for no apparent reason except to arouse our interest about what they did during the break.
They both touch each other in interesting ways and then, his job being done, he runs home. Next, Ms Chopra’s two sakhis arrive to give us a demonstration of what three women can achieve in unison.
The show’s format and intent is eerily similar to certain colour-coded films. Don’t believe me. Go watch!